Aug 23, 2013

Back to School Blues

Well everyone, it’s time for school to begin again here in the Midwest. Back east, youngsters start school after Labor Day, but here in the middle of nowhere, they start early so we can do farmy things to the fields and do other things to the cows. I’m not sure what we’re actually supposed to do, and I’m not even sure why I own cows, but I do know that having them makes me fit in.

Some parents are excited about sending their kids back to school. I am not. It sucks for everyone involved. Kids don't like learning and homework. Teachers don't like kids. (I can attest to this. I know a couple teachers personally and they told me they don't like my sons. -- Is it ok that I published that, Connie?) And parents hate the added responsibility. We have to fill out forms, sign papers, look at grades, and attend orientation nights -- all kinds of stuff that cuts into my Seinfeld time. What a burden. Plus with the fall lineup of the new 24, the Mentalist, and the Walking Dead, I have little time to do much else. I might have to quit my job.

I actually have only one son in high school now, Roberto. He has never been a big fan of education, but now that he's beginning his second senior year, he's pretty excited. He's determined to pass his classes this time. He worked hard all summer to save up bribe money for teachers in case his grades dip towards failing. That kid always has a backup plan.

The older two sons just returned to college, which is like a dagger in my heart. I already miss them terribly. They're so much fun. Now, some of you who have met my older sons might be thinking, "What is she drinking? Those boys are no fun at all!" Well, the truth is, I have been drinking.

Then there's the financial aspect of kids moving out that really stinks. Every time you turn around, the boys need money for tuition or the meal plan or weed. I don’t understand. Why does the college charge my kids for weeding the campus? The financial responsibility has become so worrisome that we tried to put the older two up for adoption, but the state says you have to get rid of your kids before they're 18 or you're stuck with them. You people with younger kids, if you were dozing off during this blog, you'd better wake up and reread that last sentence. It could change your life.

Anyway, I am very sad that my little buddies are going back to their own lives. It's not fair! I miss them and the carefree days of summer, but what can you do? Life is all about people leaving you. At least I have Joe. He may not listen to me, talk to me or even like me, but at least he's a warm body in the house. Of course, he's not home at this very moment, but I'm sure he'll venture back. Enjoy the school year everyone.

~ Jackie

P.S. Since Hans is my editor and he has moved out, my blogs will no longer be mildly amusing or grammatically correct. I can’t write good or funny without him. The only one left at home now is Roberto, and he can hardly think. (No offense to cute little Roberto.) So if you want to read something funny from here on out, you'd better just Google it. Have a great weekend!