Feb 27, 2010

The Winter of Discontent

I am tired of the cold weather. I don’t know how Eskimos and yodelers do it. I just want to stay inside in the house under a warm blanket and watch TV. But then you turn on the TV and what do you see? MORE snow . . . on the Olympics. It’s cold everywhere.

Actually, I’ve hardly watched the Winter Olympics this time around, but I want to. Unfortunately, the few times we have turned them on, all they’ve shown is non-sporting events, like curling. The kids and I get so aggravated that we say things like, “Aaargh,” but my husband is fascinated by curling and thinks it’s cool. He says everyone watches it at work every day. Of course, he works with software developers - go figure. But Joe’s tastes are sort of weird anyway. He’s been like that since the summer he worked in the glue factory. Unfortunately, he gets outvoted on this one, so when curling comes on, we change the channel to a Family Guy rerun. Joe's a good sport. He no longer becomes violent about it.

Anyway, the snow has kept the whole family busy. All we’ve done for a month is shovel or come inside to thaw. In the beginning of the season, some nice people shoveled for us, but when we called the cops on them for getting on our property without permission, they stopped helping. I guess the cold made them cranky too.

To boost the family’s morale, I’ve been cooking and baking more. That hasn’t worked well because, who are we kidding, I can’t cook or bake. I used to bake well, but our oven is on the fritz. It turns off whenever it pleases, even in the middle of a cake. It’s like it’s on strike. The washing machine and dryer are in on it too. The washer fills with water and then won’t agitate. If you hit it, it’ll start working again. It’s sort of like children. The dryer produces dryer-like sounds, but really does nothing. It’s more of a figure-head appliance, like a vice-president. My husband wants to buy new appliances, but I’ve insisted we wait until the end of March so we can get them for Raphael’s birthday.

Some people replace old stuff just because they want something new. I believe you shouldn’t get rid of anything until it’s fully dead or useless. I said that to Joe that on our wedding day and have lived by my words. For example, we once had a hamster that died, but I didn’t bury it for a week just to make sure it wasn’t hibernating. Some animals do that. Like llamas.

We also keep our cars until they’re dead. My husband drives a sporty red Mazda Protégé that was really nice back in the 1990s. Of course, now it no longer holds its hubcaps or its fluids, but surely that doesn’t mean we should “put it down,” as they say. If I get rid of it, what message am I sending my children? Will they get rid of me when I can’t hold my fluids?

We may have old stuff, but, let me tell you, we live like kings. Our house has a few TVs, and two of them are color sets. The black-and-white is a 9-inch TV with a rotary dial and up to 13 channels. We also have a 19-inch color TV that turns on by itself at random times. Can your TV do that? Our big-screen TV, the 27-incher, has a problem where the volume suddenly goes up to the highest level possible. Other people would throw out the set, but I tell the kids quirkiness is charming. Maybe I've used that expression too much. The boys now purposely act quirky around girls – talking suddenly loudly for no reason. Hopefully, they’ll grow out of that.

But none of us in the family are into "stuff." We are much more interested in food and travel. Stuff has no meaning, but the fun of traveling and eating are memories that last for hours, sometimes days.

Anyway, I am looking forward to warmer days when I can finally complain about the heat. Meanwhile, I’ll have to keep cooking and stay cozy with the family after a long day at work. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how cold it was or how old things are around you, it just matters what’s on TV that night.

Oops! I just realized whole purpose of this posting was to share with you the results of the Thanksgiving Day survey, but thanks to Olympic athletes and my mutinous appliances, I have no room left! Thanks for nothing Steve Holcomb and Bode Miller! You’ve ruined my blog once again.

I didn't know a llama could hibernate. I did know Buckeyes hibernate after the last football game. They didn't hibernate as quickly this year because they finally won a bowl game. 2/28/10
~~ Woody Wolverine, NJ

The Olympics were awesome! 2/28/10
~~ Carol, PA

Readers: My toaster is now part of the mutiny too. One side is working, and the other side won't do anything. What is going on here? Are your appliances rebelling in masses too? 2/28/10
~~ Jackie

Does your drier drop the F-bomb too? 3/24/10
~~ Brenda Jamison, Dayton
Jackie's comment: Yes, if F means Fluff.

As it so happens, our appliances are acting out of sympathy to your appliances. Our toaster is on strike. But only on the left side. The knob that your press down (is it a knob? a handle? what do you call those things on toasters that you press to make the toast go down?) falls off quite a bit and the left crumb tray doesn't want to go to its home. Also, our dishwasher is acting very flaky. By my logic, that means we need to use our toaster oven when the toaster dies, and we need to buy both a new dishwasher and a new oven (when the $ fairy stops by). Very sound logic. 3/24/10
~~ AJR, Dayton, OH