Oct 29, 2008

A Special Note To "Disappointed in Quebec"

I received this letter last night from devoted fan and reader "Disappointed in Quebec." God bless this person. I felt an immediate response was necessary since she checks my blog so frequently. See below.


The blackout was about as long ago as the dark ages. When are you going to post again? I have been checking your blog no less than 10 times a day and am continually disappointed. Please write something soon.

Disappointed, Quebec

Dear Disappointed in Quebec,

First, thank you for writing. I am always happy to hear from yet another satisfied fan. I looked you up on Facebook and was very impressed. You seem like a terrific person. Lots of hair, and I must say that explanation of how to keep your gums healthy was quite impressive! I couldn't stop reading. You stated in your description that you cannot read very fast, so I am typing my response slowly.

Anyway, I'm confused that you think the last post I made was about the blackout. I have actually published three different posts since that one. Don't fret, though. I have some possible solutions to help you.

First option: have you checked your Internet connection? If you have dial-up, that's probably the issue. It's much slower than cable.

Second: Have you considered that you live in a different time zone than I live in? You are in the Canadian Time Zone (CTZ), and that might explain why there is a delay in receiving the posting. If you'd like to receive the posts quicker, you might consider moving.

Third: I learned that Canada is the last time zone to be updated on the Internet, right behind Antarctica, where there is a very high Internet-saavy penguin population. I verified this information with industry leaders Bill Gates and those Google guys.

Fourth: Are you sure you're looking at the computer? Sometimes the microwave looks an awful lot like the computer. My suggestion is that you try to type in a search and see if the smell of reheated food is eminating from the "computer." If it is, I'll hazard a guess that your dinner is ready.

Please write back and tell me if you find the missing posts.

But, Disappointed, there's another issue we need to discuss. Why are you disappointed in Quebec, eh? Who could possibly be disappointed in Quebec? They have great Ice Follies shows, beautiful money, they pronounce everything with weird accents, and do you know that Quebec is also known as the Rice and Duck Capital of the World, a title claimed by Stuttgart, Arkansas, but wrongfully stolen from Quebec. (Look it up, it's true.) So, please reconsider your disdain for that great city.

Thanks again for writing, and, if all else fails, I'll bet you'll find one of the missing blogs by the weekend. Maybe Daylight Savings Time will provide an extra hour or two for your Internet to catch up. Have a great evening.